Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
