Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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