yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
