I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
