When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Someone signed my nipple.
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