eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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