she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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