Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
