I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
