I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
