my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
