Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
