It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Welp...herpes.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
