Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
