shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
