I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
