lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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