When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
