WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
