I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
