I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
