He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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