i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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