She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
