this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
