i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
