Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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