I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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