When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
