Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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