Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
