It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Randomize
