you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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