and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
