one two three fourrrrnication!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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