After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
