woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
