Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
