Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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