You can't motorboat a personality
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
