somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We got so high we made milksteak
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
