Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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