her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
