I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
