You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
