She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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