Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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