my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
