Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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