Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I will die if light touches me.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
