omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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