Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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