I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
