I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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