New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
