Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Alive.
So much puke
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize