Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
