I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Drunk is not a location!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
