there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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