hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Farmville is her only friend.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize