hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
