Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
