There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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