sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
