so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Damn victory sex feels great
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
