I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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