i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Damn victory sex feels great
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
