I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
honey bunches of taint.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
