when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
