why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
