I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
