Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
