Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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