SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
