Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
